When we get married we all dream of that “Happily Ever After” that we heard about as a child growing up. I have never known a single person that stood at the altar during a wedding ceremony doubting their marriage would last. So why is it that so many marriages are falling apart? Why is there so much conflict in seemingly every relationship?
Allow me to be transparent. I have been blessed far beyond what I deserve, but my marriage is not free from conflict. I do not write this from a perspective of having it all figured it out. I write it from a perspective of still working on figuring it out. It is partially from life experience and partially from education.
Most marriage “experts” agree that there a certain areas that are more common for conflict in marriage. The two most common are money and communication skills. These are two of the most common causes of not only conflict but also divorce in America. Other common areas of conflict include: sex, in-laws, children, occupation, household responsibilities, friends, and external temptations and/or vices.
So how do you handle these conflicts? Many relationships have ended simply because they did not recognize how to resolve their conflicts. John Gottman has studied marriages for decades. He has stated that he can watch a couple fight for five minutes and determine with 90% accuracy if that couple would get a divorce.
He wrote a book called Why Marriages Succeed and Fail … and How You Can Make Yours Last. There is a ton of information in this book to help identify styles of conflict resolution; dangers in conflict, and tools to help you better understand your history of personal conflict.
Attached to this post is a PDF eBook containing the 14 assessments from John Gottman’s book. I would highly encourage you to download this eBook and have both you and your spouse complete the assessments individually. Take your time and don’t rush through these exercises. The end of the book will help you understand some next steps.
If you live in the Houston, TX metro I would love to sit down with you and help you and your spouse through this process. If interested, contact the church office at (218) 821-2258 and set up a meeting through my secretary.
One other tool is to visit www.northpark.tv and watch the five-part message series entitled “Happily Ever After.” (Please note that this series will not be completed until May 10, 2015).
Click below to download …
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail ebook
Randy Harp 