Every relationship, even good ones, will have conflict. Even though this is natural there are certain deadly weapons that are “out of bounds” or “hitting below the belt” that we should not use in our family. These words provoke anger and resentment.
Colossians 3:8 gives some great advice in how to handle conflict …
But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. Colossians 3:8 (NLT)
Below are seven principles I learned a long time ago and do my best to avoid. I would encourage you to do the same.
1.) Never compare!
Don’t say “Why can’t you be like …” or “You’re just like …” God made each person unique so it is unfair to compare.
2.) Never condemn!
Don’t use phrases like, “You always …” or “You never … “ No need to lay on the guilt or play the conscious. Rather than using “you” statement use “I” statements. “I feel this way …”
3.) Never command!
Don’t try to end an argument by force. Don’t try to parent your spouse.
4.) Never challenge!
Don’t make threats. “Just try that and see what happens.” People will almost always give in to a threat.
5.) Never condescend!
Don’t treat the other person as less than they really are. Don’t belittle your spouse. Don’t put them down. Don’t play psychologist. “I know why you said that …” “I know why you feel that way … “
6.) Never contradict!
Don’t interrupt in the middle of a sentence. We really aren’t listening we are planning our next statement. Humans can speak 150 words per minute but can think 650 words per minute.
7.) Never confuse!
Don’t bring up unrelated issues. This is done often when you feel like you are “losing” the argument and you bring up other unrelated things.
Randy Harp 